Alone

I had always spent my life waiting for something: for my father to come back from work, for my end-of-year exams, for the bus, the taxi, the phone call, for the teacher to arrive, for the holidays, and the end of holidays.

Life for me had always been about waiting…

and hurting… and fighting…

I don’t actually know why… But people always leave me whenever I need them. No one understands me. No one tries to understand me. They always left me alone, waiting…

Right now, my friends, and my best friends just left me. Alone. Right now, that I need them. Why?

Why do they have to leave me in this kind of time – when I need them? When I need a shoulder to cry on? When I need a friend, a best friend, to talk to me? When I need someone to let me share to him or her what I feel? When I need someone to give me advice? When I need someone to give me a handkerchief to weep at?

I’m always trapped in the middle of the darkness… Loneliness… Solitariness… People always hurt me. But I swore to myself that if people will hurt me, hurting them back, was never an excuse. Though, sometimes, I can’t fight with myself. I’m accidentally hurting others… without knowing it by myself. But I guess that’s people. Sometimes, we tend to do something that we don’t actually know we’re hurting others.

Now, I realized that life indeed was all about waiting… Hurting… And fighting…

And although I am content with loneliness, I will never quit the battlefield.

{ Photo Source: Arch Daily }

I am now officially a fan

“I swear, I’m never gonna watch that stupid Korean dramas!”

That is my line whenever my friends persuade me to watch those Korean or Japanese dramas. But yesterday, the atmosphere suddenly trembled down.

That is, when I watched the first episode of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho.

“My girlfriend, who wants to eat me up, is a gumiho” – Cha Dae Woong

By the time this Korean series aired on Television, my friends instantly told me about it. But, I’m not really a fan of those. I am fifteen. And I am an Asian. But I found those Asian dramas irritating. Especially those Korean guys, who my friends, and other girls (especially in Philippines), are screaming for. I hate them.

But yesterday was a miracle. While surfing by the Internet, I suddenly stopped by on my crush’s blog, and saw that he is watching a Korean drama entitled, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. So what I did was open a new tab on my browser and had some research on Google unto where I can watch a Korean drama online. After some minutes… Alas! I found it. And I watched it.

And you know what happened next…

The story of the series stole my interest….

And right now, I declared that I am now officially a fan of Asian dramas.

PS. If you want to try to watch some Asian dramas, click here.

Dear you

It’s time to grow up. Who were we kidding? Let’s just get this over with.

I’m so tired of this paranoia. I thought you love me? But why? Why are you always doing this to me?

I thought you were my refuge. But what happened throughout the way? I’m losing grip. I don’t think if I can still fight with the endless pain. You’re proving to me that I don’t have someone to rely on and that I’ll be alone. Forever. Why? I know I’m not perfect, but why do you always emphasize to me that I’m always wrong?

I’m getting less happy day by day… One day, three autumns… I don’t think if I can still continue the road. All I knew is that…. For now,

I officially don’t know you anymore…

Me

People who says “money can’t buy happiness” do not actually know how to shop. Should I teach them now?

I think I should.

You will really never understand a thing if you do not take chance to comprehend its nature. Who are you kidding, by the way? Get up there, fair lady. Have sympathy.

Bad things are always going to happen in life. People will hurt you. But you can’t use that as an excuse to hurt someone back.

My heart

So here we are,
Thinking and wondering
If it is possible to speak
Of that time you realized
That I had stopped
Waiting for you.

So here we are,
Forgiving and forgetting
All the memories we shared
Without even minding
The pain that is hiding
Inside our hearts.

So here we are,
Lying and pretending
To be happy without each other
Even if we live like strangers
Who knew each other
Very well.

So here we are,
Listening and singing
The sound of the goodbye lullaby
If we were ghosts
We could pass through each other
Without causing harm.

So here we are,
Weeping and wishing
To be with each other right now
That if we are meant to be together
We’ll always find each other
In the end.

But there you are,
Walking away
Forgetting everything
Letting your pride go high
Hurting the one
You really love.

So now I’m finally alone,
With an aching heart
And contradicting mind
Asking myself a lot of questions
That only the two of us
Can answer.

Why did you leave?

Crying and living,
Like a zombie
Who jumped out of the soil,
I still love you
Despite these scars
And this never ending pain.

So here’s my heart,
Go and let it bleed
Hurt it, I don’t care
I’ll just give it to you
Even if I know you’ll
Never give to me yours.

_______________________________________________

I speak for those who are broken.

Hope you’ll enjoy reading. :—)

This is not a love story

I’m going to push the pause button now…

Scars are inside,
I still have a long ride

Love is pain,
I can hear the never ending rain

Forever is a lie,
I can feel you saying goodbye

Are you for real?

Why can’t I feel?

Forgive me
For together we will never be
I’m going home now
As my love for you will vow

I’m sorry but I’m going to push the stop button between us… now.

_______________________________________________

This is all for those who are desperate and broken.

An alien heart

 

Tears are slowly falling down
With scars inside that’s killing me now
This sadness, it makes me frown
To stop myself from loving you again, I will never vow

With every single breath, I think of you
With every rainbow, I see its hue
Seeing you again, I never had a clue
I guess I’ll forever be alone with this blue

So now I am standing here
Watching the stars that seems to be so near
Forgetting love for it forgotten me
Wishing that inside your heart, I’ll always be

But now you’re with someone else and I must go
Because I already knew that answer of forever and it is no
Thinking how long it takes to heal an alien heart
Thinking that forever we’ll always be apart

_______________________________________________

It’s been months since I last wrote poems… And I must apologize for that. But today, as I wrote this poem, it somehow made me feel relieved and lighten. :—)

Everything’s made to be broken

My once again, existence in here explains it all.

Like the seasons, life is changing. And yet, everything in this place is temporary.

“Time is relevant” – as what I am always saying. Those are my words. It’s mine. And way you will read my words will be yours.

The decision was never easy – to come back.

One day has just passed but I don’t think I can leave my home. I thought of this all the night and realized that I cannot just live my place, my little corner in this world. It’s like everything’s just set to be perfect this way around. So here I am again in all my unapologetic glory as I will enter new chapters in my life.

A new chapter – new stories, new challenges, new friends, new heartaches.

So I guess this just proves that everything’s made to be broken. Somehow, I promised to myself to never come back. But yet, here I am, coming back. I never learned to let go.

I’m back in this place where I know I always, and will always belong.